part four

In my never-ending quest to find you the silliest in internet smut, I bring you the 4th installment of Prehensile Porn Online.  

(links will open in a new window)

The Nude Man Carrot story.

"I thought that a chance to photograph a lewd exhibitionist vegetable like this might not come by in a long time. Well the simple sound of the shutter clicking sent my carrot friend into a manic frenzy of NON-STOP MODELLING! He jumped off the tree and laid down suggestively on the garden post. Wriggling his legs and pursing his lips. He was HOTTER THAN HOT!
Flash Mountain

Apparently there is a whole counterculture that spends significant energy trying to soil the normally pristine Disney image. Ya know how they take a picture of you on Splash Mountain? Well this site has a collection of pics where people expose themselves on this ride. Thus the clever domain name. Heh.

The geniuses at Brunching Shuttlecocks made this little game: Guess whether a name like "Cherry Treats" or "Misty Rain" is a Porn star or a My Little Pony Character. "New Wave Hookers or new-agey hoofers? You make the call.” I scored 4 out of ten. But the answers are the best part:
"Daisy Sweet:
This pony smelled like perfume. How come they never made one that smelled like a horse? Your answer: Porn Star (Wrong)
This site removed because the owner didn't like the association with smut. To quote Steve Martin, "Well, EXCUUUUUUSE ME!"
This guide for young brides (1894) offers helpful words of wisdom such as:
"One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten:
Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust."
Miss Jessup's "Jesus is Lord" Escort Service

"Classy and discreet personal services for the discriminating Pastor..."

"Visit my luxurious double-wide located in Little Rock..."
Geek Strip Tease

You thought you'd seen revealing computer porn? I guess this is what Futurama's Bender gets excited about. What do you call a robot boner? Not a "woody"....maybe a "steely"?
Klingon Babe

Man-o-Man. If you ever want to push your loser status to the next level, subscribe to this site. I've heard of people dressing as Klingons at Star Trek conventions. I've even heard of people learning the actual Klingon language. But when you start getting off on Klingon porn, you need to take a serious look at your life
All Nude Teen Stick Figures
"These are the Carson Twins. They like to do everything together. And we mean everything."
Realistic Cocks
Whether you are moving into a new home, a new desk, our just middle-age there is no better way to make a pathetic spectacle of your meager success than to accessorize yourself with a REALISTIC COCK. Our Cocks are so authentic they will leave your friends physically ill, and perhaps even psychotic with envy.

"The iBrator brings new meaning to the phrase "plug and play." Now, with the power of USB you can connect up to 127 different iBrators for a sweaty, gang-banging marathon! Plus, the iBrator draws power directly from your USB port - no more recharging!"

"With the iBrator's new KegelMate feature, you can turn your PC muscles into Power-PC muscles!"

You know of another great site? let me know...

Or just drop me a note.
previous prehensile porn
Online Porn Part One
Online Porn Part Two
Online Porn Part Three

Prehensile Tales thinks "Steely Dan" was a robot porn star.

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