Porn-O-Rama Review

The following review of Debbie's Authentic Reproduction Vagina (part of the "Hustler Beaver Hunt Vibrating Pussy Amateur Series") is for adults only.

No animals were used in the testing of this product. (Although that would hardly make it any more embarrassing than it already is.)

The Backstory

To refresh your memory… ·

• I first wrote a Tale about raising money (using PayPal) to buy sex toys for myself.
• Then shopHustler.com stepped in to sponsor this noble pursuit.
• They sent me the sex toys that got the most votes
• We raised almost $70 for charity.
• I took Debbie as my date to Burning Man.
• I learned that survival camping may not be an ideal first date. (Read: I never took her out of the box.)
• Weeks after returning from Burning Man, Debbie and I got together again, had some wine, and finally consummated our relationship.

To finally put a lid on this episode (and fulfill my promises to you and Hustler) I need to write this review and give the money we raised to a relevant charity (Planned Parenthood).

One of the problems with writing a review of a sex toy is that, by writing it, you're admitting to have used the sex toy.

So lets get that out of the way right now. Yes, I fucked a rubber vagina. A pocket pussy. A silicone sister. A battery-powered betty. A plastic-molded mama.

The Package

My realistic molded vagina arrived in a package with pictures of Debbie on the cover. I noticed 2 major differences between the photos and the item inside:

1. The photos showed a woman with a head. My Debbie has no head. (Not saying this is better or worse…just a difference)
2. My Debbie's body abruptly "stops" about 3 inches around the opening if her vagina. In the photos, Debbie's body appears to continue for some time…eventually merging with legs and a torso. (And then, eventually, the head mentioned in #1)

But these two differences aside, it is a lovely vagina. Very realistic lips and vaginal opening. The "Hustler ® Love Alley TM" that protrudes from the back is tough to get used to. It's a flacid rubber tube behind of the opening "…so you can give her all your inches." The "Love Alley" tube is creepy looking and reminded me of one of the creatures in "Naked Lunch." But the vagina itself is lovely.

In addition to pictures, on the package there is a description of her personality:

"Debbie is every executive's wet dream. This 20 year old office clerk enjoys horseback riding, nude sunbathing, and cooking. She fantasizes of surprising her boss to a threesome with the office receptionist."

Well, it may be a while before I try bringing a third person into my relationship with Debbie's molded vagina, but it nice to know her interests, I suppose. And nice to know I shouldn't let her get an office job if I want her to stay faithful to me.

Lubrication

No matter how sexy my strip tease/penis puppet show may be, an artificial vagina just doesn't self-lubricate. I even tried reading Debbie passages from Anais Nin books, but no luck. She was dry. I went down on her…which usually is pretty effective at getting women excited. It didn't really help. But I did learn where Debbie's clitoris is…should I ever meet her in real life.

Which makes me think… If the real flesh Debbie is dating a guy, I wonder if she ever gives him a rubber copy of her vagina to practice on?

"I had a wonderful time tonight."

"Me, too. I'd love to see you again."

"Okay…but before our next date, here's a little homework assignment."

"Wh?"

"This is a replica of my vagina. Use the pushpins to label the major anatomical areas. I already labeled Labia Major for you. Extra credit for labeling the G-spot correctly. There will be a test this Saturday following dinner and a movie. You're dismissed."

A Good Look

I'll be honest, it was helpful to me, as a guy, to be able to take a long, well-lighted look at a woman's mystery pit. Even a rubber one. Usually I'm so excited and amazed that I even have access to the magic alley that I don't take much time to study it.

It's a pity that rubber vaginas have such a stigma attached to them. Because in addition to the educational benefits of having one around, I think it would make a great coffee table adornment. Talk about ice-breakers.

"Say, check out this lovely rubber vagina. Does your vagina look like this?"

"A little bit. But my clit is more pronounced and my lips stick out more."

"You don't say."

Wasn't this supposed to be a product review?

Okay, okay. Ya caught me. I'm stalling. Here's the review: It was pretty cool. I give it 3 stars.

You want more than that? Sheesh. Fine.

Sex with Debbie was nowhere near as amazing as sex with a partner, but a nice excursion from the pattern of frequent manual masturbation. A bit too much fuss and cleanup for it to be a regular event, but definitely makes for a fun "date."

Pros:

• It looks real enough that if you keep the lights low, it can be a pretty cool visual to watch. (Ya might want to have a beer or intoxicant of choice, first. It requires quite a mental leap to get into the fantasy.)
• Debbie is incredibly limber. You can flip her on her back simply by rotating your wrist.
• She didn't have fake hair. Some of the fake vaginas try to look more realistic by adding a tuff of phony hair. I find that grody to the max. I think I would've politely asked her to shave.
• It is a lovely vagina.

Cons:

• If you ever deal with post-masturbation shame, it ain't gonna be helped when you add a soiled rubber body part to the equation.
• Debbie isn't dishwasher safe.

Conclusion

Debbie and I had some fun times together. We shared. We grew. But I'm not sure what the future holds for us. For now, she's packed up in piece of Tupperwear in my closet…just like my last 2 girlfriends.

BONUS: RESPONSE FROM RUBBER DEBBIE!

other tales

Porn-O-Rama (original)

Porn-O-Rama II

Juli in a Box