Dear Halcyon, (Johnny as I know you like to be called in bed)

It has come to my attention that the sex we had wasn't so great. However, there are a few things that I would like to get off of my non-existant chest...

• God didn't make me with a body. Don't discriminate.
• If I had a mouth, I would talk.
• I don't have an authentic smell.
• Please take me out on a date. Sex with you wasn't exactly what I had in mind for our first date you cheap-o!
• Although I am not diswasher safe, at least toss me in the shower.
• I am disease free. -I was a virgin so it was my first time. Let me experiment. I'll get better, I promise.
• Why didn't you brag about ME to your friends. I'm not hot enough?
• If you're just going to leave me here in this closet, could you at least get me a dildo...preferably one larger than the size of YOUR penis.
• Why is the number of men at the real house slowly dwindling? I'm useless to all those chicks. Get me a piece of that Gunnar! Oh BABY! Or at least allow my sister to have a piece of him. Her name is RubberDottie.
• I am sorry that things didn't work out between us. I really hope that you don't entice me with casual sex and then leave me in the gutter. This could be a rather painful break up.

In closing, I would like you to remember who got the raw end of the deal here. You are the messy one. I don't even smell...well...ok, so I smell like rubber, but that's better than some smells...right?

Anyway, maybe we will have at it again. Maybe we won't. Do you have casual sex often? Should I be tested? I hope this wasn't some sort of drunken mistake that we both made. I do have feelings for you though strangely, all of those feelings are strictly sexual. Maybe I'm just too young for you. I mean, I was only manufactured last year. Well, whatever the case, realize that it's tough being a rubber vagina. I did my best for you. I would like to work things out...maybe go out on a date, go for long walks on the beach, meet your parents, hang out with your friends. Please let me know what you want.

I love you...

Debbie the rubber vagina