Vibe Me, Baby
I asked you to page me. Anonymous alphanumeric pages to vibe me through my day. And you did. Some pages were baffling. Some genius. Most were disgusting and perverse. I can't thank you enough. There is nothing more exciting than reaching to my pager and wondering if it says, "WEB SERVER DOWN" or "Take it baby, take it all the way. I know you like it when I vibrate like this."
Well, the following are some recent pages (in bold) and my responses.
you have absolutely no porn links-what kinda shit ass web page is this????
You're close. We're a paint-ass web page
You should stop messing around with the web and get a spot appearance in the Ricki Lake show.
Don't tease. I was once on the Barbara DeAngeles talk show where she analyzed a dream I had. I dreamt that I gave birth to 2 kittens. They told me I would have to say, "I had female anatomy" instead of saying " I had a vagina" as I originally described my dream before the show taped.
…and don't forget STUDS and Trashed. Ideally I'd like to stretch my 15 minutes of fame into an entire 1 hour afterschool special (50 minutes or so after commercials)
What's the deal with your name? John / Halcyon.
Several years ago, my body saturated with illicit chemicals and non-violent herbal stimulation, I decided that I had WAY too much flair to be chained down with a mundane name like, "John."
"Halcyon" comes from a mythical bird (like the Phoenix). Sailors would say that stormy seas would calm when the Halcyon bird appeared. The word "Halcyon" has since come to mean "tranquil, happy, idyllic" and earned ultimate legitimacy when a psychotropic drug took the name, "Halcion."
I've used it as a pen name for about 3 years and changed my middle name to "Halcyon" last year. Halcyon and John are two sides of the same shiny coin.
Halcyon seems to emerge when the chemical/herbal level of my brain reaches a certain point. And until we discover the exact point of that switch, we have no choice but to continue with our intense research schedule.
What does "Prehensile" mean?
u like pornos dont u
You bet your cutesy-spelling ass. Porn delivers what the real world only teases. ( And yet I somehow find the time to spell out the word, "you.")
I neeeed some dank bud
Wrong pager, bro…but good luck.
HELP!!!! My pants are on fire, and I don't have any water!
Pretty Sly. That's a great way to break the ice and get naked on a date. Feel free to strip down.
Always nice to see a man that admits openly to masturbating.
Maybe I wouldn't speak so loudly if I had a bigger stick.
Hey, I think you doctored that tongue image. "You're no Jack Kennedy."
I assure you the only body parts of mine I would ever embellish upon are my genitals.
WE WANT TO FUCK
That is either so arousing or SOOO frightening…This anonymous pager thing can be tricky.
Remember to pick up your gerbil from the vet...It was discovered that he has an allergy to cardboard..
-But I don't have a…Oh, heh…good one.
You're a homo...yep that's the only explanation.
I'm a political bi-sexual. I would have have sex with any person that I was aroused by and I felt a connection to. So far, only women have made me feel that way.
when was the last time ypu had sex?
Last night. Unless you mean, "…with a partner."
Hey, Holier than thou punk! Why don't you and your boyfriend Chewbacca shove your freaking light saber up your ass!! The Dark Force rules! Join Me!
These aren't the droids you're looking for…
Have you considered the implications of the fraction 1/137?
Uh, I was told there would be no math.
I'd love to receive a page from you.
The second installment of Vibe Me, Baby is here.
Copyright © 1997 Prehensile Tales.