Halloween is never a Drag
Some Halcyon Halloween Costume Highlights:

1979: I was a Carrot. Despite my elaborate paper headdress, everyone thought I was a pumpkin. It was maddening.

1985: I was Nikki Sixx. The glammed-out bassist for Shout-at-the-Devil era Motley Crue. Complete with cardboard guitar and gratuitous pentagrams.

1996: I was a woman. Sure, I had some lingering adolescent fears about being a pansy. "Will people think I'm gay?" But my girlfriend was very supportive. All it took was some unconditional love and, "I want you to fuck me in full makeup" to convince me. "Whatever you say, Mistress. Tucked or untucked?"

Well, I didn't tuck. I also didn't shave my eyebrows and re-draw them as a true drag queen would. But I had fake eyelashes, lip-liner, and a smashing dress.

Yes, I was a sexy bitch.

But I was still very surprised by people's reactions.
Actually, I was mostly surprised by women's reactions.
I got more attention from women that night than I ever had going out as a man. Women approached me and just started talking about how sexy I was. Whoa. I could get used to this.

And I've dressed in drag every Halloween since.

'Cause once a year, I get to feel pretty. I get to embrace my feminine side without falling into the freakish realm of the transvestite or falling prey to testosterone-fueled ass-whoopings.

And that's an opportunity ya just can't pass up.

So if you see me out this 31st, tell me if my panty lines are showing.

other Holiday tales
"X-mas Ideas"

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