You want a better baseball graphic? Christ.  Pick up any newspaper.

Buy Me Some Peanuts, Cracker Jacks, and Bring Me a Pillow

by Kaya Styn

162 games?!! Wha? Look, I love my grandma, and a fat slice of apple pie is as good for breakfast as it is for dinner, but my god... 162 baseball games a year is absurd. Each team must compile 4374 outs per year to complete a season or 131,220 outs for all of Major League Baseball. Think about it visually: If you were to represent each out of a MLB season with a Ping-Pong ball, you would have over 130,000 Ping-Pong balls. What on earth would you do with that many Ping-Pong balls!? (I know what you're thinking, the home team doesn't bat if they are ahead in the ninth inning... but that's still a lot of Ping-Pong balls.) Baseball needs 162 games like it needs another team uniform to have teal in it.

Aside from fantasy league statistic zealots and 11 year-olds who memorize the Beckett's Price Guide to follow their baseball card portfolio, no one cares about 162 games of baseball. Any season where you don't play your best players every game is too long. If the players need a rest, what about the poor fans! I'm not saying I make it to work every single day, (drinking in the mornings and complaining about baseball make me sleepy) but for an employee earning $20,000 to $70,000 per game I expect participation.

Look, I could back up my claim that 162 a year is too many games with a lot of so called "facts" to "support" my "ideas" but you and I both know that plan reeks of me having to sober up.

What it comes down to is this: I was actually switching channels between pitches recently (to some USA Network sexy drama). And we know that this has little to do with my short attention span and giddy loins and everything to do with baseball having 131,220 outs per season. If you can say that you still enjoy watching Sportscenter baseball highlights this late in the season (McGwire and Sosa excluded) then I take it all back. In fact, I'll end this tirade right now and spend every waking moment educating townsfolk why the letter "K" is used to represent "Strikeout" in a baseball box score.

If you do decide to attend a baseball game this year (or 0.62% of the season) can I ask a favor? Let the wave die. Hey, I loved her in 1984 too, back when she was young and strong. But let her go. It's like the guy wearing his high school letterman jacket through college. Be brave little trooper, move on. Besides, we have Macarena nights and Beanie Baby giveaways to entertain us now.

other sports-related Tales:

Crossing Over the Line
Wrestling vs. Porno

Prehensile Tales is has hit 62 homeruns this season

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