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Star Robes (With Halcyon)

stories by Kaya:

Survival of The Fittest

Bannana Lessons



Teen Sex Flicks

"Having a Blast"

Buy Me Some Peanuts,
Cracker Jacks, and
Bring Me a Pillow

Older Men Scratching in Tight Pants


Real Audio:
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brother love




My amazing Mom celebrated her 16th year of sobriety. It's quite an accomplishment... I can't even stop biting her fingernails. When she improved herself, everyone around her improved as well. I am forever thankful for her influence on my life. Mom, you rule.



Several years ago I had long hair.

During the growing out period my hair (with a little coaching) was able to defy gravity. I just found this old picture (it really is me). Funny, I don't remember being this cool...

Awwww yeah


Job interviews should be more like going to "Showtime at the Apollo" theater. The interviewer should be able to "boo" as soon as they know there is no chance of hiring you. Why waste time? I have to begin interviewing candidates again and I'm definitely considering this.

Me: "What do you like to do with your free time?"
Them: "Well... I do like to watch "Hollywood Squares", although it's not the same without Jim J. Bullock and.."
Me: "BOOO... BOOOO!!!"

Me: "What are some sites on the Web you like to visit?"
Them: "What? What are you talking about? Some what on the what?"
Me: ""BOOO... BOOOO!!!"


At this year's Webby Awards, they made a mock "Behind the Webbies" (based on VH1's "Behind the Music") about my brother and his site, CockyBastard.com. He won last year's award for "Best Personal Site" and presented the award this year. Both my Mom and I were featured in the brief mock-documentary... and it got mentioned in an article on Salon.com! From the article: "The showstopper on the production side: a hilarious parody of VH-1's "Behind the Music" docudrama called "Behind the Website" devoted to the meteoric rise, tragic fall and spiritual redemption of "CockyBastard," whose life was transformed by fame after he won the Webby for personal Web site last year. Peppered with heart-wrenching interviews with his mom and brother, it culminated in CockyBastard having to lose his domain name to find himself. Humbled and wiser, he now lives on the Web at an incomprehensible address on Geocities."

Fun, fun stuff.


I recently had a wonderful visit with some very groovy folks. Cousin Tracy, Rob, and their baby, Harper Lee were visiting from Alaska and oh man, is that a cute baby. John and I would excitedly brag to each other if she smiled at us. There is a lot of therapeutic power in laughing with an infant. I miss 'em already.

"Carpet drumming" with baby Harper


I've been having meetings on child porn. No, I'm not making a career change but I am involved in making sure we act on cases of members sending child porn pictures on CollegeClub.com. Inevitably, if you provide a service (such as CollegeClub or the phone company) people will find a negative use for it. Although I'm helping get rid of this foul shit, I get the heebie-jeebies everytime my Outlook pops up with a reminder "Meeting on Child Porn"! Ick.


The birds outside defecate with remarkable accuracy and pattern. They are prolific in their designs and seem entranced by their desire to crap all over the ground. Is it possible that Jackson Pollock has been reincarnated as a group of birds outside my door?


I've found myself using rhetorical questions a lot lately to explain myself. Is it working? Yes and no. Will I continue? Sure, I think it's a useful tool in explaining myself by predicting what a question might be. Does it annoy others? Absolutely.


I found this tidbit I wrote a while ago...

I *think* I set a world record yesterday. I don't know if they monitor this in the Olympic Games or in major track meets, but I had a truly amazing performance yesterday while jogging.

I was jogging through a nearby canyon around sunset and noticed how 'alive' the place was with the rustling in the bushes and little creatures flying through the air. Then..."WHAM!!!" a gnat flies directly into my left eye. "AUGHHH!!!", I screamed as I dropped to my knees in pain. I desperately tried to get this bug out of my eye with complete disregard of how crazy I must have looked to other runners. Fortunately, after a few minutes of my child-like whining and tears, I had created enough of lubricant to get the bug out of my eye.

Red-eyed and weary, but no less determined, I got up and began jogging back to my apartment. Twenty steps later..."WHAM!!!!" a gnat flies directly into my RIGHT eye. "AUGHHH!!! ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME?!!!" I yelled as I once again fall to my knees in agony and begin my well practiced 'gnat/eye retrieval' technique.

Red-eyed, bewildered, and a little bit scared, I squinted my swollen eyes and ran home past the curious onlookers. I can't imagine what the scene must have looked like.

The next time your eyes are red (for *whatever* reason) try saying that gnats flew into each eye. It's as plausible a story as any.


I used to think taking yoga had one very important potential perk. The ability to blow yourself. I never mentioned it to my teacher… but I imagine she must have thought that was why I was there. Maybe there should be a special “men’s only” class on it… what motivation that would be! Hey I’m no marketer, but I think I may have stumbled on something that cripples the porn industry. Look how happy dogs are.

Note to self – only sober posting from now on.


A year ago I wrote this rant on reality TV. Mi hermano put it on his site.


I went to the "World-Famous" San Diego Zoo last night (they actually use the words "world-famous" on everything... isn't that kinda like telling people how popular you are, or how confident you are... shouldn' t that just be apparent?). The zoo is awesome and Jen and I have member passes. It's nice to just go for a little bit, watch the monkeys and go home. No pressure to see it all, just enjoy the best parts. Like owning "Pulp Fiction" and skipping through the bondage scene to watch the parts with Samuel Jackson and John Travolta.

ANYhow, the zoo, as always, was groovy. Since it's open at night, you get a different perspective as the sun goes down. Many of the animals are nocturnal so you can really enjoy them at night... EXCEPT that it's dark at night. I am not nocturnal. My traditional vision prevents me from seeing as well as a tiger, thus making the zoo at night seem like a better idea than it really is.

There was a very cool performance, however. Part "Lion King" play, part Cirque de Soleil - it was a wildly costumed, acrobatic affair. Before the show there was a clown. Like any rational person, I am afraid of clowns (why would you paint an emotion on your face? Why don't you just have that emotion? What are you hiding behind that painted-on smile?!) and know that they'll stab me just as soon as look at me. This clown had people dance and then made fun of them. He even pretended to vomit when a heavy woman danced. He was horrible and I found myself fantasizing about punching that smile off his face... or at least washing it off with warm water and a washcloth. Jen was a bit surprised at my outrage. I think it's pretty clear - I like my clowns either murderous or silly. There is no room in my book for a belittling clown.


I love when I see that other people think like I do...

"In the movie "King Kong" the natives lived behind a great wall that was obviously built to keep the big ape out. They'd only venture out to make a human sacrifice to him. They'd slide back a giant locking bolt, push open huge doors and sucrry out with a fair maiden. Then they'd run back to their walled city, close the big doors and put the bolt back in place. If the walls were built to keep King Kong out, why did they make the doors so large?"
-from the "Ask Marilyn" section of Parade magazine... I know, I know, I'm a bit ashamed of myself too.


I had the two pins that were placed into my finger removed on Monday. They had been in my finger to help the bone fuse together for over 3 months. They were wrapped up at the hospital and I took them home. What is it called when you go to the hospital and they take out something that you've been holding in your body, wrap it up and send you home together? Birth? Hmmm. When I look down at my sweet, sharp on both sides pins I am reminded how lucky I am that I don't have to nurse these little weapons.

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Kaya photos by Julian