Everything can't be due May 1st. There's simply too much to do. Busy, busy, busy.
Recently I went to a housewarming for a great couple, Mike and Mike. Actually, it's Michael and Mikey because it's simply too confusing otherwise. What a odd aspect of being gay (or being named Marion, Pat, Cory, Jaime, Randy, Tony, Leslie, Kerry, Alex, etc.) - dating someone with the same name as you.
What a dream! To get to yell your own name during sex? Wow.
I'm doing the best I can - (my first name is Jim, middle name Kaya) I date a woman named Jen. So if I kinda mumble my words, Jim sounds a lot like Jen. Until I find body hair attractive, this is as good as it gets.
Why do elevators have a "Close Door" button? I've never seen one work the way it should. Are the elevator companies afraid to give us too much control over our elevator commute? Think we're going to slam the door on an unsuspecting passenger? It's not an air-lock on the Space Shuttle, for goodness sake.
Jen just bought a 2001 VWJetta. It's a great car. It's as if someone wrote down every annoying thing in their car and they fixed it (e.g - above the rear-view mirror, a tiny visor can be pulled down in case the sun is in that one spot that isn't blocked by the driver's side or passenger's side visor). The little horn that sounds when you lock the car is the best. It's the most friendly horn ever. It seems to say, "Okay, go have a good time. I'll just wait here for you." It's like having a pet car. I feel like I should crack the window so it doesn't suffocate.
I wonder if this means "we" can drive in the car pool lane
(My stupid, stinky, dirty, itchy cast comes off in 1 hour and 10 minutes... but who's counting.)
Today I've been with Jen for 6 months and it has been a wonderfully loving, passionate, exciting, and eye-opening experience. I am a better man because of it.
How lame would someone have to be to launch the "I LOVE YOU" virus at this point? Pretty lame? Very lame? Extremely lame? Well lookie here - what did Kaya do? Yep, nothing more proudly screams to your co-workers how pathetic you are than sending the "I LOVE YOU" virus in April. In my defense, I didn't open up an attachment in hopes that someone sent me a romantic vbs file - some MP3's on our network had been corrupted. Now that I think about it, I did everyone a favor for finding this problem! In fact, I'm the greatest American Hero! Oh wait, he is.
"Hi dee hi dee hi dee hi! Ho dee ho dee ho dee ho!"
There, I helped your plan for blog domination... please don't hurt me Ollie. =)
A few years ago, my very groovy Mom noticed the family's waning enthusiasm on searching for eggs on Easter. So she began hiding beers around the yard. Good beers, too. My brother posted some pics from a few years ago. It's such a cool tradition.
This year, Jen and I bought everyone fun non-alcoholic drinks (Sobe, Snapple, etc.) that suit their personality. Mom gets "Sky", Grandpa gets "Wisdom", MissM gets "Zen Blend" and my Pop... well, my Pop gets New Castle Brown Ale. Then we painted the bottles with Spring-like decorations. The lucky ones got their bottle painted by Jen, and the unlucky ones... well, their bottles are gushing with personality.
Celebrating after a victorious beer hunt
I was thinking about O.J. today. Not the tasty citrus beverage best enjoyed in the morning... with a little vodka in it (the Vegas breakfast), but the murderous running back who excelled for the Buffalo Bills. Try explaining to a child how he is NOT guilty of murdering two people, but he is financially responsible for murdering them. It couldn't have been more obvious... "Nicole Simpson was found bludgeoned to death by a Heisman Trophy Award." O.J. remarked, "Yeah um, have you checked out Bo Jackson?"
I don't mean to brag, but while laying in bed last night I learned that my cast makes a pretty mean shadow puppet duck.
And Jen can make a pretty weak ostrich with her silly non-bandaged hands.
At work, a variety of beeps and bells can be heard throughout the day from PDA's, cell phones, etc. But one phone is quickly driving me mad. It loudly... I mean LOUDLY chimes "Oh Susanna" several times a day. Sing "Oh Susanna" to yourself. Now sing it again, only instead of using words use a series of high pitched, electronic beeps. Insane yet? Oh yes, my friend. "I COME FROM ALABAMA WITH.." AAAUUUGGHH!!!
Insane I tells ya.
A co-worker came in with a pack of "Everlasting Gobstoppers". If it was really "everlasting" wouldn't you only need one?
Typing with one hand is far less interesting without having the other hand "free" to please.
Ow. I underestimated my surgery. It hurts more than I thought. But it will be worth it. I will type with one hand for a few weeks as my hand is wrapped in a massive brace. Apparently the drugs didn't keep me from making some jokes. After I threw up and I was being pushed in a wheelchair, the nurse said, "I'll take it easy so you won't feel sick." I responded, "Okay... but this is my first time in a wheelchair and if someone wants to race, we have to race."
When they reminded me that I wasn't to make any major decisions or sign any documents for 24 hours I leaned over to Jen and said, "I know what they just said... but let's go to Vegas and get married."
I was pretty out of it. Man, this has taken FOREVER to write... I'll never take my hands for granted again. I guess this is why they don't teach typing by taping up one hand and having you poke at the keyboard with an index finger.
Still lots of reasons to smile.
I'm having surgery tomorrow (Thursday at 12:30)... and despite my own personal dreams, I'm not having breast implants (my doctor felt I would no longer be productive with such immediate "Tune in Tokyo" gratification). I'm having surgery on my hand, mainly my left-hand ring finger. No, not in an attempt to distort my hand to remain a bachelor forever - I ripped off the tendon at the top of my finger and it's recoiled into my palm. Sexy? Oh yeah. My surgeon will fuse the top joint of my finger together and place 3 small stainless steel pins in to keep the shape. Then they will remove the recoiled tendon that currently resides in my palm. This will allow me to grip better and should relieve the pain (currently my left hand grip is half as strong as the right hand). The important questions remain... How did this happen? How has this affected my ability to masturbate? This silly injury occured during the Winter Thumb Wrestling Championships in Zurich. I was pitted against my arch-nemesis Hans Vandermeer when... alright, alright, I was playing flag football. As for the second question... my right hand is as strong and loyal as ever.
My good friend Ollie is having laser eye surgery tomorrow. During a meeting at work he said, "Kaya is having hand surgery and I'm having eye surgery... so he's going to be my eyes and watch porn for me and I'll be his... well... nevermind." He may appear scary, but he's one funny man.
I'm going under (general anesthesia) tomorrow for the first time....well... for the first time intentionally. My mom always said to never turn down free drugs... or was it some trippy guy at Burning Man who said that?
Spring is Here! (although cloudy today) Don't forget to smell the... ah, you know what to do.
My friend Bennett was writing a note when I saw a puzzled look on his face. He had written, "It's a whole 'nother issue..." (say it out loud). We looked at it for a bit... what is that fourth word there? "Nother"? That's not a word...but isn't that what we all say?