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Star Robes (With Halcyon)

stories by Kaya:

Survival of The Fittest

Bannana Lessons



Teen Sex Flicks

"Having a Blast"

Buy Me Some Peanuts,
Cracker Jacks, and
Bring Me a Pillow

Older Men Scratching in Tight Pants


Real Audio:
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brother love




H a p p y B i r t h d a y to my good, good friend D-love.

He's been my friend since before we sat near each other in Mrs. Haseyama's 2nd grade class. And year after year we enjoy each other's company, learn from our interactions, and celebrate life together.

I have some damn cool friends...


As I search for folks to hire at CollegeClub, I've been reading tons of resumes. I ran across one that said he was in school from 6/00 - 2/00. Wow! A time traveler! I didn't know whether to hire him or fear him... could he go backwards and forwards in time? Why weren't his grades higher if he could just go back in time to correct his errors? What if he accidentally stepped on an ant that was supposed to be eaten by a bird that flew by the window and inspired the inventor of Zima malt beverage... would I still have gotten laid in college? Questions needed to be answered!

If someone was to ever invent Time Travel... wouldn't we already know? I mean... if it ever was invented, they'd have already traveled back in time and told us. Unless you can only travel into the future... to avoid messing up the time space continuum or something. I'm not too sure about this concept, but I think that has something to do with Jigawatts and lightning.

If you were convinced you could invent a time machine... what would be your rush to finish? I mean... once you finished, wouldn't time be meaningless?

Some things are better left unanswered.... my head is starting to hurt.


The Super Bowl is this weekend... which I was much more excited about until I remembered it involved Football. I don't know when it happened, but I went from memorizing the statistics on my baseball cards and reading every word of the sports page to looking forward to the "super" bowl for the commercials. *sigh*

Then again, I'll get to eat Chee-tos. Somewhere along the line, I began eating Chee-tos on Super Bowl Sunday. Since I eat pretty healthy, orange-colored, fried corn sticks (I *think* they're corn...hmmm) rarely make it into my diet. In fact, few foods that semi-permanently dye my hands make it into my diet. But a tradition has been started - and who am I to alter the universe?

It's one of my favorite traditions... that and punching people in the stomach if they're wearing shoes.


Since my mug is fairly prominent on the CollegeClub.com website (upper right of linked page) I've receive a fair amount of interesting e-mail from college students (or old men... god bless the Web and it's anonymity). I respond to all of them (men and women) and at least thank them for taking the time to write me - it's quite flattering.

Lately, a member has been getting a bit more randy than before. Here are excerpts from the last 2 days:

"I want your hot stuff in my muff"
- Hmmmm, romantic. That's the kind of rhyme that'll make Dr. Seuss blush

"I look forward to your 10 inches"
- 10 inches?! I'm 168 inches, baby ... tall that is.

Besides, we all know that 10 inches much more than average... In fact, it's triple the average. (Whew! You never know when your girlfriend is reading your blog.)


I've been thinking a lot about non-skills lately. You know, skills that really serve you no purpose... like rolling your tongue or knowing the lyrics to "Silver Spoons". There's no doubt that it's a skill... it's just useless - a non-skill. Everyone has at least one. My girlfriend can wiggle her eyes (Apparently her whole family can... it's a tad creepy...well, exceptionally creepy). My brother can impersonate the cartoon hero "Super Chicken". D-love invented a dance - hard to explain, but I think it involves temporarily dislocating his shoulders (... all I know is I can't do it). We had a friend in high school who could vomit on command. Ollie can sing like Kermit the Frog.

What can I do? Well... I can gleek. Yep, I can shoot a thin stream of spit by pressing the underside of my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

A skill? Hell, yeah.
A non-skill? Most definitely.

I can also play "Mary had a little lamb" on the phone... but I don't mean to brag. (By the way it's 3-2-1-2-3-3-3 , 2-2-2 , 3-3-3 , 3-2-1-2-3-3-3-3-2-2-3-2-1)

What's your non-skill???
email: CaptainKaya@CollegeClub.com


After continually watching the furniture at my friend Paul's art gallery get ruined by red wine - I decided to only serve club soda at my parties.
My place will actually get cleaner as people spill.


Last night I went bowling with D-Love and Jen. Bowling is so great. Even if you're super good - or super bad - who cares. No one's getting a scholarship... no one's getting all the girls... no one is shamed by their bowling buddies. Because when it comes down to it - you're bowling. You're in borrowed clown shoes. You're playing a sport that is dominated by less-than-ultra-fit participants. Don't get me wrong, bowling is difficult - very difficult (I bowled a spectacular game - for me- and got a 158) but that's why it's great. Unless you play a ton - you simply can't be that much better than your friends.

And the scoring is mind-boggling. For a simple game - the scoring is insanely challenging to figure out. I think you need a degree in particle physics - or a Rosetta stone of some sort.

Hmmm... bowling scholarship?


My good, good friend D-Love, just finished his sweet Flash personal site. His art looks fantastic. My brother and I bought one of his paintings and gave it to our Mom last year for Christmas. It's a wonderful piece.

D-Love and I have been friends since we were in elementary school. I've know him for over 20 years. It's wonderful - I regularly see friends that I've known for over 20 years.... since I'm 27, I think that's pretty amazing.

I'm a lucky man.


I realized that I'm uncomfortable with the word "Landlord". I mean, good god that's an arrogant term.

"Muhahah... I rule over my tenants... I am the Lord of this Land - the LANDLORD!"

Very few titles have the word "lord" in them. It's pretty bold. It sounds too much like Warlord or Overlord. I guess this makes the name "Gaylord" even sillier to me. (I keep picturing some sort of well-groomed Ruler with a great tan)

I used to think I was Tetherball Lord - but I was young.


This e-mail was sent to one of the clubs I check out (remember - this is my job, not a hobby) on HighSchoolClub!

"willing Slave seeking male master. into torture, BDSM, and any other
wicked things you can think up. email me...

Scary. It's either a progressive/troubled teenager or a trippy old man.



As I ate my frozen waffles this morning I started thinking about Maple Syrup. How limited is syrup? It has one use. Waffles and pancakes... that's about it. Honey, however, has tons of uses... we put it in tea, on bread, on lovers... okay, maybe there's not a ton of other uses... but at least honey helps heal sore throats. I see no such medical uses for syrup.

Syrup is like a "Q".... useless without it's "U'... which, in this case, is waffles.

Hey, you can't be clever every day.... and you gotta be mad about something.



I posted some of my Joshua
Tree pictures
... I really like some of them.  Beware, there is
some skin.

It was a magical day. 


Top of the World



As my promotion to Manager of Community Operations begins to come to fruition I'm invited to more important and longer meetings. While I graciously accept an invite for a 2 hour meeting - inside I'm saying, "2 hours?! It better be catered... by strippers."


Today is the birthday of my amazing girlfriend, Jen. She turned 30 today and has the best attitude about turning 30. She began a blog today as a gift to herself. She wrote after receiving an acupuncture treatment last nite (a x-mas gift from me - awww),

"So that got me thinking about my journey. The absence of a mortgage, a will and children do not make my life incomplete or put me behind. I have been blessed with a great family, wonderful friends and amazing experiences. I donít regret anything. My decisions have lead me here."

* Happy Birthday Jen *.

You are amazing.
And I love you.
And I am lucky to know you.

And I won't even bring up how brutal the timing is to have your birthday in the brief time between Christmas and Valentine's Day.


I bought my first umbrella this week. Well, that's not to say that I buy umbrellas weekly... or even that I buy them regularly. I actually bought my first umbrella ever.

I've lived most of my life in San Diego - and it just never seemed necessary. And besides - it's just water right? "Rain" isn't code for "God Urine" or anything, is it? Anyhow, as I bought it, I felt a bit odd. I guess I wasn't sure if I was getting older or wiser.

Maybe it's both... and I'm okay with that. I mean, umbrellas are remarkable at their job. Surprising simple, yet very effective. (Man, am *I* easily impressed.)

Now that I have this great $5 umbrella (Which I bought at the "Sundry Shop" below my building... "sundry" shop? What year is it in that store? Can I buy some "apparel" and candy bars for a nickel?) I feel like I should move to a more wet climate - like Atlantis or Portland.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't even opened it yet... 'cause I ain't no sissy. Oh wait, I posted hunky pictures of Buck Rodgers yesterday... never mind.


Thank you internet... where would I get Buck Rodgers pictures without you?

I can't wait for the 25th Century... such dreamy space hunks!


My good, good friend D-Love had a drunk driver hit his parked car a few days ago. Actually, the drunk man had got out of his car to urinate and forgot to put the parking break on. The car rolled down a hill and banged into my friend's Westfalia (big orange Vanagon with white pop-up top). What was going through this drunk guy's head? He had already hit 3 cars while driving, then he stops to pee and collect his thoughts... when, suddenly, he sees his blurry car rolling away. I'm sure it was something like, "Fuuuuuuuuuck. Hmmm, I think I could go for some flapjacks."

When filling out insurance info I encouraged D-Love to be more creative.

"Yeah, his car made this dent on the side. Um, and it broke this mirror. Oh, and it used to be a black Trans-Am with the killer eagle logo on the hood. When he hit it, I guess it turned into this Vanagon..."

You'll never know unless you try.


The most frustrating conversation ever:
Me: "Yeah, I'll have a small Coke."
Them: "Sorry, we don't have small drinks. We have large, extra-large, and The Urinatorô which comes with a commemorative "Encino Man" Mug"
Me: "Dude, you know what I FUCKING MEAN! (calms self, lets go of stained, polyester uniform of loyal employee) I'll take your smallest drink."

Who buys a 72 ounce drink? How thirsty are you? Good god... I don't use that much liquid when I bathe. Although, that seems to have more to do with my poor hygiene than your desire for a lot of soda.


I'm having some trouble posting on this page... apparently, no one else can see it when I write with a Sharpie on my computer screen.


Man oh man have I been busy at work. While I had grand plans to upload great pics of Joshua Tree, I instead spent time reclassifying thousands of CollegeClub's message boards. Which leads me to an interesting question... Where does one classify the board "Black Hole"? Does that go in Love & Dating: Adult or Academics: Science? Or "Going South" ... is that a travel board or an oral sex board? What about "Tuter for hire"? I just hope they're at least good at math.

I need to cleanse myself from this tedious work. Ahhh, cleansing beer...


Joshua Tree is simply amazing...


Happee Noo Yeer! I still haven't written "01" yet on anything. I kinda promised myself I wouldn't until I had a flying car.

I'm always feel a bit mixed as a year ends and another begins. The end of a cycle, the beginning of a new one. I do like the marker - a chance to reflect on progress made and goals that still loom ahead. I had a wonderful year. I have a lot of reasons to smile. I am thankful.

New Year's Eve was a blast. Lots of laughing, hugging, and sharing. I'm a lucky man.

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Kaya photos by Julian