In California, they can sell drug related
stuff in special "head shops." But it is against the rules to refer to
the paraphernalia by it's street name. If you ask to buy a "water pipe"
you are fine. But a request to look at a "bong" and you may be asked to
leave. They sell Video head cleaner, but not "Poppers."
I know this because Tyler knows this.
Head shops also sell "tobacco smoking accessories" like tiny scales or
'Cause sometimes after you smoke "tobacco" you like to stare at blacklight
posters of unicorns.
"Unicorn" is a perfectly acceptable word in a head shop.
"You want to know why there are no more Unicorns?" Tyler
asked while dropping a package of Nag Champa into his pocket.
I hoped we were out of earshot of any employees.
"It's Biblical. From texts that managed
to get *not transferred * by some monk in the 9th century.
"Unicorns were on the Ark. One male, one female. But they were caught
eating hallucinogenic mushrooms from the damp hull of the ship.
"The story says that Noah became furious. Some scholars say it was
because the mushrooms were taken from Noah's private stash. So, immediately,
Noah asked all the animals to walk, single file, over a narrow plank along
the hull of the ark. The unicorns, still fucked up, fell into the floodwater
This is the part of the story where I raise my eyebrows to show surprise.
"No shit. Random drug testing killed the Unicorns."
"I suppose, in a way, The Unicorn is The Drug War's Che Guevara. That's
why you see all this crazy Unicorn and fantasy crap in head shops. To
these people, Unicorns are martyrs to the cause."
"Same is true with Dragons...who were eliminated in a similar fermented
oats freak out incident."
"Viva la unicorn." I say.
"VIVA LA UNICORN!" Tyler screams to his reflection behind the counter
and b-lines it straight to the adult section.
From across the store Tyler yells, "You want to know why 'fisting'
is illegal in porn movies?"