A few weeks ago Prehensile Tales offered its own version of The Scholastic Aptitude Test. Thanks to everyone who played.
And for those of you who didn't answer all the questions…I'm afraid this will go down on your permanent record.


Answers to the PT SAT essay question:

Agree or disagree with the following statement:

"If I am taking this test, I have no life."

Use examples to support your arguments.




essay = i don't understand the question.


essay = Fuck you! Time is irrelevant...you've got plenty of time until you realize how little time you've got

essay = Fuck yeah I'll say I have no life. here I could be out and about doing crucial things to the well being of others. Arson, petty theft, and making baloon animals for bar mitzvahs comes to mind. I think I was supposed to meet my girlfriend and go tou with her sorority sisters to do something called "Cosmic Bowling". Apparently the wonder of this fascinating game is that they turn the lights out in the bowl-o-rama, and your bowling ball glows as it makes its merry way down the lane. Whoop-de-fucking-doo I think we used to say in 8th grade as our Jams were sported in the utmost of style. Have I answered the question? Was Sherman Helmsley a shoo-in for vice president when the Jeffersons was in syndication and running on prime time? Should I drop out of school and pursue a career in breakdancing? Why do the girls get scared and run away when I tell them i would like to suck their soul out of their blood gorged clit? Hmm..I think I had better stop now. the Drain-O is starting to take effect.


essay = One is not necessarily contingent on the other.

The fact that I have no life predated this test and will continue to be a state of existence or non-existence after this test has been discontinued.

On the other hand, I am in fact taking this test, but the if-then nature of the argument troubles me deeply.


essay = i am having fun !


essay = I was looking for sex


essay = occasionally some semblance of a life lambasts

my existence with forcible intermingling with

those of the human species.



essay = quite possibly...


essay = dutiful shirking of workly tasks


essay = I agree. I need only site the fact that I have answered this question to prove that I have no life


essay = umm.okay i admit it i have no life. i spend hours thoughtlessly

surfing the web in search of new and depraved hobbies. i recently

spent an entire day downloading emulators and ROMS

from badly designed Atari fan sites so that I could

play the old 2600 games on my mac. Today, I was so outraged

at a ridiculous "white power site" i stumbled upon,

I spent the next four hours searching for virii to send

to the webmistress and anonymous email remailers

to send it with. Is that enough examples? Whatever.

I'm a freak, I have no life...ummmm....what was the

question again?


essay = I disagree, because anyone say i aint got a life will get a beatin'.
essay = " If I am taking this test, I have no life is not true in my case. I, B(sic), am taking this test because I have a job where there is no work for me to do. Like a bong with no weed I am forced to sit here day after day and wait for someone to give me something to do.B:)
essay = I have a life. I am taking this test at work which means this is not cutting into my valuable free time. Technically, I'm being paid to take this test.



Thanks again for playing…

Prehensile Tales hopes you've got some athletic ability to fall back on.

Copyright © 1997 Prehensile Tales.

d e s i g n by h a l c y o n