In honor of Father's Day, I wanted to share a recent "Dad" event. Last week, my Pop was sworn in as a judge. So, per tradition, there was a brief ceremony and then a roast. 300 Judges, politicians, and other "respected" people in the community all listened to Kaya and me make jokes about masturbation, drugs, and bodily functions.
This was *before* the masturbation jokes.
"Here comes da Judge!"

My favorite excerpts from our speech:

The opening:
Ya know, it's funny. I remember when Dad was really deep into his heroin kick…. He's be selling off our Star Wars figures for more dope, And we'd keep saying, "But Dad…what if you ever want to be a public figure? Nobody will…"
"What? My mom is motioning something…What does the "cut-your-neck" gesture mean?…Oooh. Heh. Whoops."

Kaya's Zinger:
"I remember when I was about 11. My dad sat me down and said, "Son, don't be a lawyer. If you're a lawyer, you have to be an asshole all the time.
"And not a day goes by that I don't think, 'What an asshole!'"

After a few stories about drunk dad: "And lest you think that the ol man is a lush, he drinks so rarely, that when he does get a little tipsy, we fondly call him "freshman."
I Ok'd it with him, and he says if anyone wants to call him "freshman" instead of "Your Honor" that's fine by him."

And the heartfelt ending:
"But perhaps the greatest lesson is the value he placed, above and beyond anything, on honesty. I've never met a more honest man. Except for something he said about hair on your palms, and one incident with a child-priced lift ticket when Kaya was 12 years and 2 months, he has never swayed from total and complete honesty. I am truly grateful to have had that type of influence in my life. Now that I'm getting really old (I'm almost 30) I realize how rare his passion for truth is. He *showed* us, not just told us, that an honest life is it's own reward.
"We love you dad and we're proud of you…finally."

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