Background:

In Jan of 2001, I was contacted by MTV News and Docs division. They were looking for people to film in a show about sex online.  I told them about Globalgasm (which had JUST started) and they started drooling.

Filming

They flew out and filmed for a day. After meeting us, they altered the “script” of the show to be more focused on us.

Then they flew out and followed us with cameras for 4 days.  They filmed a party at our house.  Fire dancing friends.  A night out at a club. Daily Life. Lots of interviews with me and the housemates. And two Globalgasm nights. 

FYI: Having an MTV film crew entourage follow you to your favorite dance  club can be a surreal treat.

The documentary was originally supposed to air in June 2001. It was postponed, then 9-11 happened, then postponed again.

The original version of the show was rejected by the MTV standards committee.  MTV has been humbled by lawsuits over the last year and was afraid that the sex-positive message was dangerous to broadcast to children. 

The director told me, “It was perfect for HBO’s ‘RealSex’…unfortunately, much of MTVs audience is 13-18.”

The director shot additional footage and re-edited the show to show more of the negative consequences to being naked online.  They blurred out all our URLs so kids couldn’t find our sites.  They removed the scenes of fire dancing.  They even altered the audio so you didn’t hear us say “globalgasm” out loud.  As one person commented, “it sounded like you were saying, “Gulpgasm.”

The new version of the show was scheduled for June, then finally aired on July 4^th 2002.

The Show

Overall I was pleased with the show.   We were the center of three basic story lines and then miscellaneous commentary by “internet users.”

There was 7 minutes of me, Globalgasm, and TheRealHouse. 

Aside from the fact that they kinda played up the “Hal and his Harem” angle, I thought those 7 minutes were awesome.  The other stuff was…predictably lame.  The person who got the worst out of the deal was “Adam” the voyeur.  He had a pet pig, and they attached an image or sound of a squealing pig to most of his commentary.  He was clearly made out to be the stooge (and it made his criticism of us sound weak).

The ending was misleading and made it look like the projects are over. Considering the pressure from MTVs lawyers,however, this editing decision makes sense. 

In my mind, the show ends when I say, “I have hope for the world.”  And NOT when Leilani, in her born-again enthusisam, accuses her ex-housemates of being weird and crazy.  At least the show put her comments in perspective when they put text on the screen saying that she left the house and “found god.”

My favorite part was a 6 spilt-screen scene.  My head in interview jumps from screen to screen as scenes of sexiness play in the other 5 screens.

“I recognize that living like this is not normal…People email us and say, ‘sex is something that should be private and sacred!’ Wha?!  Those are two different things ‘private’ and ‘sacred.’   Church is sacred, and its not private.  It is too bad that things that are sacred, meaning that they are core to our existence, should be hidden and shameful.”

Did I say that? Right on!!

My Reactions

Ya know how in movies, when people have a flashback, it’s real-time footage of exactly what really happened in the past?

But in reality, when you look back on the past, it is through the haze of time and the filters of perceptions.

Well, it was ODD to watch documentary footage of my life 16 months ago through the crystal clear perspective of a cinematic flashback.

16 months ago I was madly in love with MissM. 

Watching myself in a state of love-bliss was emotional. It brought back such feelings of joy. After the show I was struck with a sense of loneliness.

That strikes me as an odd sensation considering that I just appeared in thousands of homes around the country, but I did feel very alone and unsettled.

Afterwards I touched base with MissM and several friends who were close throughout the last 2 years.  I hung out in chat and talked to members of CitizenX as well as new visitors who (through Google) found the site after seeing the show.

I felt *odd*.  Its hard to explain.  It was a unique experience.

Part of the odd feelings had to do with the culmination of so many months of expectations.  This documentary was originally supposed to air over a year ago.

That was A LOT of time to build up expectations and anxiety.  In some ways the whole process was good for me learn to have distance from things out of my control.

There was a second, Business-type expectation for the show.  The owner of TheRealhouse was really hoping that the press would get us some sign-ups and help make the project less of a money-loser.  We got 5 signups.   Nice, but not the kinda boost we hoped for.  I’m trying now to keep the show and the business results separate in my mind. 

Overall I’m pleased. I wish it would have been on at  a different time so that more people would have seen. As explosive as my views may be, they don’t really compete with fireworks on 4^th of July.

So even if it didn’t spread my message to the world, it was quite a ride.  And I have 7 minutes of kick-ass footage from my life.

Twenty years ago I remember telling my cable company, “I want my MTV.”   I had no idea this is how it would all turn out.

*Additional pics from when MTV was here