This Tale is kinda long, and requires a little effort from you to experiece it's full audio-visual splendor.
  1. click this link to open the RealPlayer musical slideshow. (turn up your speakers)
  2. resize this window so that you can still see the player while you read this.
  3. throw your hands in the air, and wave 'em like you just don't care.
"Shake that Ass"
Thursday night I dance.
The club is like church to me. I like the vibe there. I like the hymns. I like the congregation.
feel the beat, y'all
It's a special event for me.
So I dress up.
Wear something flamboyant.
Trick out my hair.
Wear lots of sparkle.
Pump up the sexiness.
The sexiness isn't something done to the visual appearance…it's summoned from within.

(Cause you know what? There are dozens of guys that go to Hedonism that are better looking than me. Better bodies. More chiseled features. Better skin. But not too many are sexier *wink*)

I try to pull all the confidence sleeping inside me, and turn it inside out. Dress it up.

It's almost like getting in character:
Disco Christ Superstar --Delivering the gospel of dance to the head-bobbing masses.

pump it up! Pump it up!
I walk in smiling.
Always walk into a club while smiling.

(I know *I* would MUCH rather see a club full of smiles than one full of people trying to look cool. Who wants attitude?!)

I sometimes get a drink when I first walk in. Just to have something in my hands…something to do while I start absorbing the club's energy.

At first, the change in scene is too abrupt. Outside you're dealing with elbowing in line…the attitudes from bouncers…the 21 year old bombshells whining about being on the guest list…then WHAM you're inside.

Music and fog and sweat and beauty and lights and…. It's like returning to the womb…the thumping heartbeat bass-line…the body heat…the moisture in the air.

Sometimes I just need stand against the wall and take it all in for a second. But if the DJ is playing good trance/breakbeat/progressive house, it doesn't take long for the groove to hit me. I just start bouncing. I pump my fist. I find a place to set my drink and head towards the dance floor.

Take me higher, DJ!
And that's it.
Once the beat gets me, I'm done.
I'll usually dance for at least an hour once I start. Maybe take a cooldown break, then dance for another hour.
And when I say "dance," I don't mean shifting my weight from left to right while holding my drink on the corner of the dancefloor. I mean on top of the speaker, sweat-flying, hip-snapping, fist-flying dancing. If there was a go-go cage, I'd ask If I could get in it. 'Cause that's the energy level I'm trying to project.
build the beat!
I just want to shoot energy onto the dancefloor. Take it in from people's eyes and magnify it back into the crowd. It's almost sexual.

I don't talk much while I'm there. I smile at people. Introduce myself. I usually face the crowd and DJ booth, but sometimes I pay more attention to the women near me. I'm surprised how many women will start grinding up against me…like "freaking" me. I would never do that to a woman I didn't know. Too afraid of being a jerk. But I'm always thrilled when they do it to me.
If women "invite me in" while we dancing close, I'll give 'em a real sexy dance. Like stripper hip snaps and thrusts…all without breaking the rhythm of the digital opera. All without crossing the line to "profane."

But I rarely talk to people. I just dance. Dance and listen to the techno choir.

no parking on the dancefloor
I try not to wonder what I look like. I suppose I might appear rather foolish. But I like to imagine that it's extremely sexy. I just try to let go entirely. Let the beat control me totally. To *me* that's all that matters. When I see other people JAMMIN' to the music, I *love* it. It fires me up. It's sexy.

And at closing time when the music stops and the lights come on…it's like I snap out of it. Only then do I notice that I am dripping sweat.. My braids are so drenched, they can be wrung out. Only then do I notice that I can barely walk. My thighs are so fatigued from jumping up and down, that they twitch as I'm walking to get a cab.

ANyone going to after-hours?
I get home and take a shower. But I never go right to sleep. No way. Too much energy surging through me.

All this makes Friday mornings tough. But it's an easy tradeoff for a 3 hour intensive therapy that acts as a gym, church, meditation dojo, and psychiatrists couch all in one calorie burning re-birth.

And the cover charge is only $5.

Do you have any church-like experiences in your daily life? Rock climbing? Midget bowling? Public Masturbation? Share.

The slideshow soundtrack is spun by DJ Jon Bishop.