11/6/2000

I just celebrated my 21st birthday, and I have one little question: How does one get the smell of vomit out of her hair?

11/1/2000

Vote for the candidate with the ugliest secretary and avoid national scandal.

10/26/2000

If I pissed in your mouth, would you drink it? Then you could be Hal-pee-on.

Not to have anything to do with sex but do you wanna jump on the trampoline with soap sudds with this girl from Texas?

It is a scientific fact for men live longer if they view a beautiful naked womans breasts everyday. Can I help you live longer?

I think a really funny joke would be for NASA to send up rockets and push a bunch of planets out of alignment. Then they could sit back and laugh when everyone realizes that their horoscopes aren't coming true.

What if Our entire world was only one tiny blade of grass compared to the rest of the Universe? AHHH! Lawnmower! LAWNMOWER! You rock my pink glittery snowglobe

10/17/2000

I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to do.

10/15/2000

From a womans point of view...I think God invented vibration ;)

10/13/2000

It's friday the thirteen... I'll get the candy corn you bring your ass

10/7/2000

Penises are cool. So very very cool. Amazing things they are. Is there anything else in the world that grows to 4 times its size when it's happy? Does that kick ass, or what?

10/5/2000

Ever notice how you never see Ron Jeremy and Al Gore together? Secret alter ego, maybe?

10/4/2000

Have you ever noticed that cellphones are coming in vaginal cavity sizes?

10/2/2000

"The Sexiest Bachelor in America" is on Fox tonight ... you will be on it, right? Or should I just leave the vibrator in the nightstand?

9/28/2000

Hey Halcyon, I have a question. I want to teach my brother obout the world and the global economy, could I achieve this by recording a porno of a midget sodomizing a rabbi on a standard cassete tape, loading it into my old teddy Rukspin, and playing it?

If beef is the major meat staple in the US, then why aren't our paperclips and staples made of beef?

Question: If you had a choice in having sex with kevin Smith or Steven Spielburg, whom would you sleep with ( disregarding who's gotten the most Oscars')?

9/21/2000

god vibes those who vibe themselves

9/17/2000

There once was guy from Cali...Who went to the Burningman rally...he came home to find fleas...up to his pink knees...And proclaimed"I'm moving to Bali!"

9/14/2000

With all that faux fur around it's no wonder you've got fleas. Those are faux fleas, fight them with the little plastic army guys with the flame throwers.

I am the leader of the fleas. Continuing to resist us will only make your eventual death more painful. Surrender now and you may be spared.

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