12/22/2000

no matter how often you go to the beach, we still don't believe those are sand crabs

12/21/2000

Since I'm on a tight budget this year, most people on my xmas this year are getting home-made gifts. Mostly sculptures made out of superglue and pennies.

Bette Midler is to a gay man, as you are to me (a straight woman).

12/18/2000

Kittens and small children make for good breakfast protein.

12/13/2000

Nietzsche is peachy.

Dude, your pager called me last night and told me he wants to have control of the blogger or he's crawling up your ass -- I'm not sure why he told me... could have something to do with the batteries and the vaseline... but don't tell him I told you

If I scratch you in the right place will you lick me? Like my cat only without the dirty look?

Forget "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." I'm waiting for the porno version: "Flogging Dolphin, Spanking Monkey."

11/22/2000

Annie Sprinkle inspired this: I truly love my gynocologist, he always gives me cervix with a smile

11/21/2000

Your soul tastes like chicken.

Prepared to be boarded... then tied up and spanked... and then spanked a little more... and then untied and licked... and then tied up... and then spanked... and then untied and spanked... and then licked again...

You're like a warmer, fuzzier, less life threatening and wholly sweeter Marilyn Monroe

I see we're back to 'page of the week', huh? Sorta reminds me back when I was a senator... and had a page boy a week. Ah, the memories...!

11/8/2000

for some reason, your website reminds me of the smell of the walk-in fridge at work.

11/6/2000

I just celebrated my 21st birthday, and I have one little question: How does one get the smell of vomit out of her hair?

11/1/2000

Vote for the candidate with the ugliest secretary and avoid national scandal.

10/26/2000

If I pissed in your mouth, would you drink it? Then you could be Hal-pee-on.

Not to have anything to do with sex but do you wanna jump on the trampoline with soap sudds with this girl from Texas?

It is a scientific fact for men live longer if they view a beautiful naked womans breasts everyday. Can I help you live longer?

I think a really funny joke would be for NASA to send up rockets and push a bunch of planets out of alignment. Then they could sit back and laugh when everyone realizes that their horoscopes aren't coming true.

What if Our entire world was only one tiny blade of grass compared to the rest of the Universe? AHHH! Lawnmower! LAWNMOWER! You rock my pink glittery snowglobe

10/17/2000

I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to do.

10/15/2000

From a womans point of view...I think God invented vibration ;)

10/13/2000

It's friday the thirteen... I'll get the candy corn you bring your ass

10/7/2000

Penises are cool. So very very cool. Amazing things they are. Is there anything else in the world that grows to 4 times its size when it's happy? Does that kick ass, or what?

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